Nic Elliott

National CO2 Shortage – Time for a New Virtue Signal

Is it just me?

I can’t be the only person who thinks that the sudden news that our food and drinks industries are grinding to a halt because of a lack of CO2 is slightly hilarious.

Because CO2: BAD

There can’t possibly be any use for this evil substance.

How could you possibly countenance storing your food in it for freshness?

Or putting happy little bubbles in your favourite drinks?

I’m so disappointed in you – didn’t you realise that every time you opened that bag of salad you were releasing earth-poison?

Well now you’ll never be the same again.

Those chickpeas won’t harvest themselves you know.

Now a new trend will spring up.  Something I thought would be impossible until now.

Something even more self-righteous than the organic food movement: Food made, stored and transported without CO2.

I haven’t thought up a catchy name yet for this new food craze.  Organic sounds great because it screams natural and unsullied, but now that we know that even our precious organic quinoa needed CO2 to produce it, we need something even better.

We need a way to virtue-signal even more with the food and drink choices we make.  Hey if we combine this with Veganism we could really be on to a winner.

Wait, I’ve got it.  We need to go even further.

Forget ditching the injecting of plant food (CO2) into protected atmospheres to make our tomato plants grow larger.

Forget trying to transport food in electric vans (ignoring of course the fossil fuels used to generate that electricity).

We’ve been missing a trick.  I know what we must aim for now.

Zero Carbon Food.

It’s the ultimate virtue signal.  The ultimate in standing up for one’s planet.  Never again will we be accused of ignoring climate change.

Just got to find some food now without any carbon in…  where’s science when you need it?

Danny Dyer has a point about David Cameron, not about Brexit

Danny Dyer. Our new national treasure, because he dissed Brexit and speaks without cut-glass tones.

“You see?” The remainiacs say.

“If a normal, down to earth bloke doesn’t get it, then we have been right all along”.

The remain cause has shown no love until now for Danny Dyer.

But, say a few swear words on national TV and whip up a quick frenzy in the Twitter echo chamber and soon the mainstream media will report on how you should be PM.

Well done everyone.

But here is where I actually think Dyer has a point. It’s not about Brexit, where he probably voted to leave anyway. It’s his point about David Cameron.

Now we can talk at length about how the former PM made bad political decisions; whether it was calling the referendum in the first place, or not seeing the opportunity in campaigning for leave after getting handed nothing in the prior EU negotiation. But he promised he would stay to implement the result of the vote, no matter which side won.

I believed him.

But any final respect I had vanished when he immediately resigned.

When it turned out that absolutely no work had been done to prepare for a possible leave vote, it just doubled down my disappointment at a politician who had detoxified the Tory brand enough to convert a hung parliament to a majority government.

So the frustration expressed by Dyer as to where David Cameron is now, I totally get.

A true democrat would have implemented the decision of the people, not run away.

He could have been bullet proof.

Turning round to Brussels and saying “see, I told you you should have agreed to meaningful reform”.

“Now you need to agree to a serious deal or we’ll just walk away without giving you a penny”

But instead we have Theresa May and her ungovernables…

Now of course my alternate universe Cameron is doing what I would do in his situation.

Equally there has always been a way for Theresa May as PM to get a good deal and I’m not the only person saying very clearly how that could have been achieved.

Yet here we are, two years in and I’m actually pining for a Cameron premiership. What’s the world coming to?