Is it just me?
I can’t be the only person who thinks that the sudden news that our food and drinks industries are grinding to a halt because of a lack of CO2 is slightly hilarious.
Because CO2: BAD
There can’t possibly be any use for this evil substance.
How could you possibly countenance storing your food in it for freshness?
Or putting happy little bubbles in your favourite drinks?
I’m so disappointed in you – didn’t you realise that every time you opened that bag of salad you were releasing earth-poison?
Well now you’ll never be the same again.
Those chickpeas won’t harvest themselves you know.
Now a new trend will spring up. Something I thought would be impossible until now.
Something even more self-righteous than the organic food movement: Food made, stored and transported without CO2.
I haven’t thought up a catchy name yet for this new food craze. Organic sounds great because it screams natural and unsullied, but now that we know that even our precious organic quinoa needed CO2 to produce it, we need something even better.
We need a way to virtue-signal even more with the food and drink choices we make. Hey if we combine this with Veganism we could really be on to a winner.
Wait, I’ve got it. We need to go even further.
Forget ditching the injecting of plant food (CO2) into protected atmospheres to make our tomato plants grow larger.
Forget trying to transport food in electric vans (ignoring of course the fossil fuels used to generate that electricity).
We’ve been missing a trick. I know what we must aim for now.
Zero Carbon Food.
It’s the ultimate virtue signal. The ultimate in standing up for one’s planet. Never again will we be accused of ignoring climate change.
Just got to find some food now without any carbon in… where’s science when you need it?